Why It's Hard for Toddlers To Make Friends

Social skills are an area where parents can get caught up comparing their children to others. I know I have!

We organize play dates or encourage our children to join other kids at the park, only for them to stand nearby the other kids, continuing to do their own thing.

It's easy to worry that their social development is behind.

BUT this is completely normal.

It's not until around 3 years of age that children begin to show an interest in their peers.

Before this, children are mostly focused on themselves and their immediate family - FOR GOOD REASON.

The first three years of life are an important period of growth. Children are meant to focus on themselves.

Not because they’re being selfish but because their focus is on building who they are and discovering the world around them. 

This isn’t to say that children under three can’t be friendly or form connections with others—just that their social development is still in its early stages, and their primary focus is naturally inward.

Why It's Hard for Toddlers To Make Friends

Having friends requires skills that can be difficult for young children to navigate until they have more life experience. 

Friendships involve:

• communication
• empathy
• perspective-taking
• turn-taking
• conflict resolution

That’s a lot for little ones to handle so it’s okay if they’re not ready to join in a group game at the park, or if they sit with other children in the sandbox without speaking to them. 

They are still learning so much by sharing space with other children.  

The Three Stages of Play

There are 3 types of play phases that children between the ages of 2-4 go through:

1. Parallel play (ages 2+) - When a child plays alongside or near others but does not play with them.
   
   
2. Associative play (age 3-4) - engaging in the same activity but not necessarily together. Children may begin to interact but it’s minimal.
   
   
3. Cooperative play (ages 4+) - When a child plays together with others and has an interest in both the activity and other children involved.

With the information above in mind, it could be closer to 4 years of age before your child wants to play with others and show an interest in friendships.