Should You Let Your Child Win When You Play Games?

Should you let your child win when you play games with them?

The answer to this is yes and no.

Losing in games is a part of life and an important skill to learn - remember, all skills are learned!

The key when playing games with your child is to strike a balance between winning and losing. 

When children are first learning how to play games with others, it’s important that they get to experience both sides. 

Since a child will likely play their first game at home with family, your role is to teach them how to handle winning and losing with kindness and respect.

Here are 5 simple ways you can teach your child how to do this:

1. Focus on the game, not the outcome. 
   
   Emphasize the fun of playing, learning new skills and spending time together, rather than who wins or loses. This helps shift the child’s attention away from the result.
   
   
2. Model appropriate reactions. 
   
   Children learn a lot from watching adults. Show them how to respond to winning and losing appropriately, i.e. staying calm when you lose and no bragging when you’ve won. 
   
   
3. Teach empathy.
   
   Talk about how people may feel disappointed when they lose and how it's important to be considerate of others' feelings.
   
   
4. Praise effort and fair play.
   
   Acknowledge when your child tries hard, plays fairly, or congratulates others, whether they win or lose. Let them know that these behaviours are just as important as the outcome.
   
   
5. Practice. 
   
   Play games where children can practice winning and losing. Talk about different scenarios (or role play!), like someone putting down others when they win, and how you can respond to them.  

Playing Games with Younger Children - Ages 2 - 7

The younger the child, the more frequently I let them “win” at games. 

When a child is first learning how to play games, they’re learning social skills, like turn-taking and following instructions, and those skills are very important to learn. When first playing games, you want to simply help the child develop their interest in them.

For example: if a 3 year old miscounts and moves 10 spaces instead of 6, that’s okay. They’re still learning how to count and as they grow, they’ll learn how to move their piece the correct number of spaces. 

I’ve played games with children where they’ve “won” the game after 2 or 3 moves (which is impossible) and we just kept playing the game again and again. I follow the child, even when playing games with rules. 

This time is spent talking, counting, observing, being silly, etc., which is what playing games should be about with children.

Playing Games with Younger Children - Ages 7+