What to do if your child doesn’t want to go to school...

This might be a helpful email in a few weeks, as your child returns to school after winter break.

Even children that love school, tend to have a hard time returning after a long break.

Here's how to help when your child goes through any period where they don't want to go to school (and other reasons they might feel that way).

This is Normal

First understand that it's normal for children to not want to go to school sometimes.

This can happen at different ages - toddlers, preschoolers, and school-age children. As an adult, there's days when you don’t want to go to work!

Going to school means saying goodbye to loved ones, leaving the comfort of your home, being around a lot of people, etc.

School can be hard physically and mentally - children are learning, participating in activities, doing physical exercise, developing their social skills, and so much more.

It's important to approach this from a place of understanding and empathy.

Start Here.

If your child doesn’t want to go to school, start by talking to them about it.

Depending on your child’s language skills, you can ask them why they don’t want to go.

You can also empathize with them, "I wish I could stay home and play with you all day too but I have to go to work, just like you have to go to school." 

You can also give them (and you!) something to look forward to by planning out an activity you’ll do after school together.

It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Even just plans to read a book or play a game together will help your child to feel connected.  

Ask "Why? And Why Now?"

When a child has a change in behaviour, like going from enjoying school to not enjoying school, Dr. Shanker (author of Self-Reg) suggests we ask "Why? And Why Now?"

• Are there other disruptions in the routine? - a parent working long hours, travelling for work, a relative in town, a new sibling, etc?
• Are they getting enough sleep?
• Are they feeling sick?

We talk about how resilient children are, which is true in many ways, but they’re also very sensitive to change, even positive ones.

They adapt but initially it can be unsettling for them. Remember that young children have an especially strong sense of order.

 

If their routine changes, it can affect their mood, behaviour, etc.

Work With Your Child's Teacher

If your child is struggling with school, it's best to talk to their teacher.

Most will happily work with you to come up with a plan to make things easier for your child.

For example, they might suggest:

• keeping your child close throughout the day for awhile
• drawing pictures to give to you at end of day
• have you pick up them up early throughout a transition period (if possible)

These feelings are often temporary and part of their growth. These small accommodations might help them work through the transition.

If the feelings aren’t temporary and they are really not wanting to go school at all - big emotional meltdowns, refusing to go in, not able to calm down, no connection to teachers, etc, it would be a good idea to speak to the school and your paediatrician.

There could be something more going on.

Maintain A Routine

One of the best ways to help your child manage their feelings around going to school is maintaining a consistent routine. 

A big part of why children adjust to coming to school every day is because they recognize it as part of their routine.

Check out our past blog post: 5 Steps To A Peaceful Montessori Morning Routine With Young Children for tips on how to create a peaceful morning routine.

After Winter Break

It's normal if your child doesn't want to return to school after winter break in a few weeks. 

This is typically because their routine has been thrown off so give them some time and they’ll readjust. 

The teachers expect there to be some changes in behaviour the first few days and weeks after a break.