How To Stop Comparing Your Child to Other Kids...

It's SO hard to avoid comparing our children.

It usually starts in infancy:

• She's rolling over sooner
• He's a better eater
• She's crawling first

Eventually, that progresses to:

• He's a better reader
• Her math skills are more advanced
• He's the best baseball player on the team

It's understandable. We want the best for our children AND we're worried about them being "behind".

The trouble with comparing is that it takes your focus away from recognizing and celebrating your child’s uniqueness.

Are you, an adult, the exact same as your peers? Do you have identical interests? Do you complete tasks the same way?

So why compare children, as if they're all identical?

Differences in how children learn and discover the world is normal and expected. 

Children develop on their own timelines, guided by their unique interests and needs. Montessori teachers are taught to trust this process.

An Example From the Classroom

Around 2 years of age, many children start to show an interest in learning how to water the plants. They're provided with a demonstration - walking to the sink to fill the watering can, using two hands to carry it over to the potted plant and slowly tipping it to water the plant. 

After the demonstration, something like this might happen:

1. One 2 year old would follow demonstration exactly, carefully completing each step.  

2. Another 2 year old would stay at the sink, overfilling the watering can with water and exploring the water flowing from the tap.  

Rather than looking at the second two year old and thinking "that child needs to work on following multi-step instructions", the teacher would reframe their thinking into "that child has a strong interest in exploring water, what type of activity will satisfy this need?"  

The child exploring water isn't doing anything wrong. They are simply showing a natural curiosity that could be nurtured in another way.

Often, a few weeks later, the child who only wanted to explore the water, will be watering the plants as they had been shown.  

So, with that example in mind, here are 4 simple ways to shift your perspective and celebrate your child’s individuality:

1. Focus on Strengths, Not Comparisons - Rather than comparing your child to others, recognize and celebrate the skills they are already developing.

2. Provide Space for Exploration - Give your child time to engage in their own learning process. Even if their play doesn’t seem "productive" at first, it’s contributing to their growth and understanding of the world.

3. Trust the Process - Children reach milestones in their own time, and sometimes the best way to support them is to step back and allow them to work through challenges at their own pace.

4. Create Opportunities for Curiosity - Allow your child to lead the way in their learning. If they show interest in a certain activity, follow their lead and observe how they engage with it. Their exploration is an important part of their development.

As children grow, it’s natural for expectations to become higher, especially when academics and structured learning begin to play a larger role. But it’s important to continue to respect the pace at which your child is developing. 

When you find yourself comparing your child to others or thinking about what your child hasn’t yet learned, shift your focus to what it is they have learned and I promise you, the list will be lengthy. 

And if your child needs extra support to meet classroom expectations, that’s okay. Everyone needs help at different stages and no one is expected to excel in everything.